I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
its not stalking. its research.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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