I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
