just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
