he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
