dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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