I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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