it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
