I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
