the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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