Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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