When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
