She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
