After last night, I could never be a politician.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
