I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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