She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
