does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
