so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
