I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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