PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
