I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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