he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
