I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize