How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
