Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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