im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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