pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
