i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
