so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
