some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
