i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
