I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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