I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
