cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
