never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize