he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize