i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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