That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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