So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
