I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
