my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
