my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize