And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
