You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
