My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
