so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
