My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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