I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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