I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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