Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
