I'd wear matching sweaters with you
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i think i have two assholes
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
