He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize