areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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