I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
it was like eating out sand paper
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
So much rum. So many feels.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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