Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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