in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
