It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
