you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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