New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
