There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
