This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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