You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
