I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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