so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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