I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
