fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
