I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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