oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
