eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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