Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
