Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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