And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
