ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
