I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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