I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Randomize
