i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
