WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
