Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
