Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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