So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
