Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
