Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
