Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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