how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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