if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
