its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I supernannyed him into submission
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
