i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
