If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
