i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
