I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
