Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
