You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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