I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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