We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Too much gin, very little bucket
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
