Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize