I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
