i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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