So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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