Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
