Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
