Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
