Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
