ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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