the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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