Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
