I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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