Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
