I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
