I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
