Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm sobbing to NWA
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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